


declarations

by chuwaeyo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22094305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuwaeyo/pseuds/chuwaeyo
Summary: Pairing: wanda maximoff x reader | college auSummary: if you say something enough, it has to be true right?5+1 fic of a slow acknowledging feelings and how it doesn't always work out, even if you really thought it should'veWarnings: angst, implied underage drinking, heartbreak babey!
Relationships: Avengers Team & Reader, Wanda Maximoff/Reader
Kudos: 28





	declarations

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: hi i know i never post anymore but wow i'm going to graduate college in may (hopefully) I'm mostly active on my new main or n/sfw writing sideblog || please consider supporting me in my last few months of college and eating consistently (commission/donation info linked on tumblr)

i.

It was still awkward the first time it slipped past your lips, an accident said in the spur of the moment, too caught up and lost in the sparkle of her eyes in the streetlights and the light melody of her laughter dancing in your ears, breathless and carefree from running away from all her responsibilities with you.

You loved every second with her, and the moment was too perfect - your heart moving faster than your brain could think to consider stopping you.

_"I love you."_

Your lungs were on fire as your cheeks burned with the same intensity, shaking your head and laughing at her insistence that you race to the cars.

The words slipped past your lips before you recognized the feelings that came with them, a revelation you were both too naive to dare consider at the moment.

A revelation you hoped would never be true, that despite all the fluttering in your chest, it was anything but that.

You froze midstep when the words registered in your ears, a sharp breath becoming a white cloud in the chill night the two of you found solace in.

Pushing down the anxiety growing in your stomach, you watched as she turned around with ease, holding back from laughing at the breathless state you found yourself in, her eyes shining with the look of countless galaxies under the lights.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you under all the bad decisions you roped me into tonight." The galaxies disappeared momentarily as she scrunched her nose, a cheeky grin pulling at her lips as she stepped closer to you, settling a half-step in front of you, her cold fingertips sneaking their way into your pockets to feel warm again.

And maybe if you said something then it would've been different.

But she was right - you've already made more than enough bad decisions for one night - no need to add another onto the list. 

Not one like this.

So you ignored the feeling in your stomach and rolled your eyes, trying to suppress the grin on your lips as her cold hands wrapped around yours, ignoring soft giggle from her lips and the slight blush on her cheeks that could only be from the chill air.

"I said I can't believe you - when I asked if you wanted to avoid responsibilities for the rest of the night this wasn't what I had in mind." Your voice was low as you relaxed into her grip, letting yourself lean ever so closer to her, moving carefully, still not ready to give yourself that hope. "What happened to being cold?"

Wanda pulled back so you could see her "contemplate" the question before leaning closer, much too close for what you were at the time, resting her head in the nook of your shoulder, relishing in your body heat and the comfort of your hood, speaking in such a hushed tone you'd swear she was casting a spell. 

_"I knew you'd keep me warm."_

ii. 

The next time was barely any better.

Replace the chilly night air and unsure feelings with a too-hot living room packed with people and feelings you were doing your best to push down as your current situation.

Thinking about the words already made you feel all awkward and uncomfortable, but now you had an audience watching your every fidget of your hand and too hot cheeks. The consequences of refusing to say the words now were worse than any situation you thought would follow if you just forced it out.

Her eyes were shining, looking at you expectantly, a comfortable smile doing its best to avoid becoming a cheeky grin as you sat next to her, waiting for you to fulfill the dare or suffer the consequences laid out by your upperclassmen.

Nearly everyone was drunk or high off something aside from the two of you, and they didn't know what they were more excited for anymore - hearing a "faux" confession from your lips to the only person you've had eyes on all night (and the semester for all they knew) or watching you blush and refuse to do it completely, resigning yourself to matching the rest of their drinks for the rest of the night.

They hoped that no matter what - the words would leave your lips, that you would have to acknowledge the feelings tonight instead of running like you always did.

If you said it now, maybe that's where it could end - a burning statement disguised as a dare that will bury all your feelings and heartaches for her if you managed to get the words out... before the same feelings burned you alive.

And for as loud as they all were - some booing, some cheering you on, some just eager for the next person - she was all you heard when her hand reached behind your back and rested on yours, interlocking your fingers with a soft smile. 

Focusing your attention to Wanda as easily as a snake to its charmer, the audience forgotten for the sound of her words and the trust in her eyes.

"You do know that you can just take the drink, right?" Her eyes were still shining, but this time her smile was softer - knowing - even if the words weren't spoken. "I'll take you home and take care of you."

She might've always known.

Might've always yearned for the same nameless thing lingering in your mouth.

And for all the things you were wanted to ignore, with her hand in yours, it was almost too easy to do anything but believe.

Looking in her eyes and believing in the promise of comfort and home no matter the choice.

It wouldn't be until years passed that you would realize it all mattered, that it was the wrong choice, that everything you chose would end up hurting you both.

But still, you yearned, and for that moment, maybe she did too.

_"I love you."_

iii. 

You knew she would never bring it up again, not until she wanted to hear the words again, not until she wanted to watch your tough mask crumble for her, becoming pliant and soft to no one but herself.

From all that they drank, you hoped no one remembered much after the party except the two of you, the burning memory taunting you every time you looked in her eyes, every time your friends tried to push you closer. 

But you were wrong.

They ambushed you when you were wandering around campus, trying to avoid your room until you knew she would be asleep and couldn't visit - you needed the space, needed air that wasn't intoxicated with her all around you, leaking into your every thought and action.

Sam and Natasha moved fast, flanking both sides of you before you realized they were there, steaming bags full of food in each of their free hands to pacify you once they found a decent place to explain themselves.

Even though the sun was barely setting, the campus was already empty, everyone trying to avoid the cold and responsibilities in the comfort of their beds, giving the two of them prime real estate in locations to talk to you.

"Should I assume I did something and you're trying to bribe me to admit it, or did you just kidnap me across campus just so you could feed me?" You tried to keep your hopes up that it would be the latter, but as they proceeded to spare a glance to each other with nothing but a shrug, taking out the food, you couldn't help the small groan that slipped out, "I'm guessing it's the former?"

Natasha was the one that sat down first, the most at ease out of the three of you, used to navigating the tricky waters of romance and relationships between all your friends. Everyone went to her, confiding their deepest secrets and feelings in her, knowing she would know what would be best -

Knowing what would be most realistic.

Her voice was steady as she passed you a plastic fork, eyes focused on the food maybe as an attempt to spare you some humility.

"Since you already tried to throw our free dinner under the bus, might as well tell us how you feel." You watched as the corners of her lips curled upward slightly, the smallest hint of a small hearing both yours and Sam's stomachs growl. "Do you really love her?"

Love.

By this point, how many times did you ask yourself the same question?

Do you love her?

When she came crashing in your life with a too-bright smile and a hug with a grip so strong you thought she would never let you go - did you love her then?

You remember brushing off the flutter in your chest when it happened, saying it was just nerves from your first year in college.

Whenever she went out of her way to track you down to spend the empty hours with you - did you love her then?

She only went to you because you were the only one that was responsible enough to finish your work early and have free time, you knew that, trying not to get your hopes up.

Was there really a singular moment where you realized you loved her?

You played with the food on your plate while she gave you a moment to think, closing your eyes to remember each afternoon with her napping in your bed, dozing off in the middle of a recap about her classes that morning or trying to tease you about the other girls that waved to you earlier while you finished the last few edits of her essay or your own.

Each moment felt the same, each leaving you with that same distracting warmth, each leaving you wanting more, but knowing that nothing could ever beat the current moment you found yourself in with her.

_Of course, you loved her._

You loved her so much that you were afraid of ever hurting her, of ruining all the good things you managed together.

Sam's words felt like an echo of Natasha's, speaking slowly and carefully as if the wrong word could expose the three of you to the rest of the world. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, we know how hard it can be."

"We're friends - best friends - of course, I love her." If you bothered to look up at either of them, you'd see the shared look on their faces, far too understanding and melancholic to be from all their advice sessions. "That's all it is and ever will be."

iv. 

Maybe if it happened again as another forced ambush, another spire of hope driven into your heart by one of her friends - they were always her friends - you learned that the hard way later, but this time, the declaration was far from forced.

This time you were already too enchanted by all the hope they gave you to hear the warning that hid behind his words. 

This time, there was no way you could've expected his sorry eyes as a quiet whisper left Tony's lips, worry, and pity hidden behind the smallest smile you've ever seen on him. _"You love her, don't you?"_

If you could think straight, maybe you would've heard all the warnings hidden away in his voice and actions, but the rest of them had you beyond convinced, after all the denial and avoidance, she had you right where you thought she wanted you.

After three years of nonstop badgering behind the scenes by her friends and putting on a relieved smile for her, you were ready to accept how you felt.

Ready to tell her the next time she pulled you into her arms and lingered even when others stared, ready to tell her the words they told you she's been waiting for since the moment you met.

Tony brought you to his favorite overlook, far from the lights of the campus and city, wrapping a heavy arm around your shoulder so you could stop studying his face and appreciate the setting sun on the horizon. 

He knew there was no convincing you otherwise now, that all you could do before you could really move on was play into her hands and break your own heart. 

"If you ever need to get away, you know 'ol Honeybear and I can figure something out, ask Honey to give the three of us refuge at her apartment on the other coast?" Tony held back a sigh and wasn't sure if he was jealous of how in love you were with her, or if it just made him more apprehensive of falling in love. He wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. 

Back then you didn't think much about the weight of his words, appreciating the sight before you, nodding along to his words without thinking too hard about his offer with Rhodey and Pepper, trying instead to remember the roads you took to get here so you could show her the same sight.

v. 

Your cheeks were still on fire from her touch, a cheeky grin meeting you when she put her warm hands on your face, an innocent head tilt as she laughed at your lack of words, "I was going to scold you about not wearing enough layers tonight since you always do the same to me, but it looks like you're still okay. Thanks for walking me home again... _I miss when we did this back at the dorms."_

Wanda's smile dropped a bit thinking back to your first year in college together, the days where she spent stealing your bed and watching you work with a small smile on your face, listening to her go on about her day. 

No matter how much time she spent with you, she couldn't get enough.

She let her hands linger until you matched her smile, dropping them only to squeeze your hand one last time before you had to leave.

"See you soon." 

You waited until she closed the door to turn and start walking back to your place, dreamy smile cemented on your face as the cool air made you shiver and miss her beside you. 

Not wanting to risk any of her roommates (or her) hearing you, you waited until you thought your feet carried you far enough before you let yourself speak into the night.

_"I love her... this whole time I've been so in love with her."_ Saying it out loud now made you laugh, shaking your head as three years worth of running and pretending otherwise came to light. "I love her."

It felt foreign to your own ears, a quiet confession in your own voice in the safety of another cold night to no one else but the night sky.

It took you back to that first year, to that first time the words slipped out, and all you did was laugh even harder at how full-circle it all was.

That you found yourself confessing those words for her standing alone under the stars all over again, except this time she wouldn't run back to you with a confused look on her face, wondering why you were laughing by yourself.

This time she would finally hear you.

+1. 

It felt like everything had been leading up to this singular moment.

If you were a hopeless romantic, maybe you'd even call it fate, that red string always pulling you back together even after weeks apart, even after everything and everyone tried to put a faceless person in between you two, you always found your way back to those cold nights alone, talking and laughing like nothing ever changed.

_"Promise me you won't replace me for another girl?"_ She teased you like that one night after a small argument the day before, still jealous that you came back to the dorm late without telling her, tossing and turning restlessly in your bed until you came through the door with a yawn.

And even though it was a long day and you could barely keep your eyes open, you greeted her with a small smile all the same, "I don't think I could ever forget you - now did you end up eating dinner or did you spend all your time frowning in my bed?"

She usually dropped the pout then, knowing the time apart was as much torture for you as it was for her, letting her hands wander over to yours, "if I say no would you magically have food? Or can I steal another hoodie and are we going to go somewhere?"

"You read my mind."

That night all the memories came running back, playing in your head with a smile on your face until you drifted off to sleep, filling you with nothing but hope and excitement for the moment you could tell her.

And no matter how strong you felt with her, you've also never felt more fragile with someone, your voice quiet and slow as she held your hands in hers, insecurities hidden behind a small smile, trying to ignore the fear of rejection and change that waited for you both no matter the outcome.

"I love you." You put on a brave smile for her, keeping high hopes until the very end, her hands never letting go of yours even though her smile dropped with her eyes. "This whole time I've been in love with you, this whole time everyone kept throwing hints in front of me but I was just so afraid of losing you that I didn't want to admit it, but not anymore. I love you."

Nothing could have prepared you for the first time she would let go of your hands so easily.

It felt like your heart was ripped from your chest without much thought, the absence of her hands in yours and the smile that always brought you home.

On their own, they felt heavy, watching her force herself to take a single step away from you, building the distance she thought could save both of you from the pain that would follow.

"I'm sorry -"

But nothing could cushion the sting of the words on her lips, or the sneers of her friends the next month - the ones you thought were yours too.

"- you're too late -"

You let yourself sigh as the words sank in, trying to keep the smile on for her even if you felt the tears welling in your eyes, trying to be strong so she didn't blame herself for anything, trying to protect her even as you crumbled from the inside out.

"- still friends? -"

She took your hand again and it burned more than all the other times before, an unforgiving fire that you wish freed you from all the feelings that still haunted you about her.

But still, you smiled, still so in love with her even if it would never work out _\- you promised her after all._


End file.
